My Son Came Inside Of Me Last Night

M

This may be long post so I apologize if it’s a strenuous read. I am 36 and my son is 18. I had a child young and I am not in a happy marriage. I’m married to a man 20 years older than me and I jumped into this way too young. I know he cheats on me and I know he only married me because he is old fashion and believes you should marry the person you have a child with. He’s often not home but I don’t want to go into my marriage.

My husband makes enough money so I’ve never had to work. I had his baby very young and was a stay at home mom right away. I feel trapped in this role because of it. I don’t have a degree or any skills. I’m just a mother. I’m home all day but as my son got older I got hobbies. I read books and draw. I did lots of classes that all the other lonely moms with kids that don’t need them around all day anymore. I did pottery classes and floral arrangement classes, just anything to pass the time. I did have a few of my own affairs over the years. My “husband” is not around so it’s very easy. It’s mostly been other women my age in the same position. I’ve been sleeping with the mother of my son’s friend for the past few years. I’ve hooked up with random women over the years. I’ve hooked up with men as well. But I’ve only ever carried out long term affairs with other women. I find that if I keep sleeping with a man they get too attached. I can hook up with women for years and it’s just that. But if I sleep with a man a bunch of times, he’s delivering roses to my house. So I’ve been smart about it. I’ve never done the cliche fuck the gardener or the pool boy housewife thing.

Getting sex is nice but I’ve really been craving something more. Something my husband is supposed to give me. I have sex with my husband and I think in his own way he does love me and I do love him. He’s a great father and outside of cheating. He’s the kind of man I want my son to be. Even though he’s busy he is always home on Holidays or important days for our son. He’s a thoughtful dad. My husband is away on business a lot and I know he is fucking lots of women when he’s away. They’ve called the house and I’ve seen evidence of it. I used to get mad early on but now I just let it happen because there is no point. I know he’d be pissed if he knew I was cheating but I don’t care. I’ve just been craving some real connection and the past couple of months. My son has been that connection. I’ve always been close to my son. I was home all day when he was in school. I’d make breakfast and dinner every day. I’d drive him to school and pick him up. We just always spent a lot of time together. I never had problems raising him. A lot of other moms I know have trouble connecting to their kids or they are “rich kid” assholes. They don’t listen and by high school they have a cocaine addiction. My son was never like this. He’d come home every night and he never stayed out. He has two friends that are very close to him but they are more interested in video games and conventions. My son is a smart kid and I’m proud of him. We always had a good friendship/relationship. They say a parent can’t be a friend but that’s what we are. He respects me as his mom but we talk about things and I even play video games with him sometimes or watch his movies. He’s gone to my classes and hobbies before. He learned how to knit with me and knitted me a blanket.

Maybe two or three months ago things got different. It started because my husband had been away for the longest he’d ever been away. I’m not going to expose his business or location but he was out of the country for over a month. My son was noticing that I was feeling lonely and he even asked if I think dad is faithful to me. I just told him “no” and then he asked if I am faithful to dad and I said “I tried to be.” We talked and he told me how he saw dad with other women before or he was somewhere and a woman said he slept with his dad. So he was aware of the cheating and he thought I didn’t know about it. I told him that I knew and we used to argue about it but now I don’t bother. I told him I have my own affairs and even if he does find out, he’d be a hypocrite to complain. From there we started spending even more time together and talking a lot. He would reschedule with his friends just to spend an evening with me. We’d go out together and call them “dates” and I’d dress up for them. My husband is still away and about a week ago we he started sleeping in bed with me. It started where we’d just hang out in my room watching tv and eating pop corn together on my bed. But then he was like “I may as well just sleep here” but now even if we didn’t see each other much that day he’ll still come into my bed in the night. One time I was already in bed and I heard the door open and I just knew it was him. He thought I was asleep so he very gently got into bed with me and put his arm around me and I cried. He didn’t notice but I cried quietly in the dark. It was just so much affection that I feel like I have been missing or never experienced in my life.

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George B. J. Martin

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